CD 40

Today is day 40 of my cycle. I have taken 3 pregnancy tests, so I am fairly certain I am not pregnant. (Also: No symptoms)

I have to confess something: my husband doesn't really want another baby. I know he doesn't. When I say we are TTC all I am doing is not taking birth control, and we have sex. That is all. Oh, we did use pre seed one month, but he didn't know what it was for. He just thought it was kinky or something (sorry!). He doesn't really want a baby. I keep track of my cycles, but I don't even know if I'm ovulating. I guess what I'm saying is, I have put zero effort into this babymaking thing, and that makes me wonder how badly I really want a baby?

I will probably go back on the pill after this cycle is over. Honestly, I'm OK with it. I just don't think it was meant to be.

I've come to realize

I am not going to have another baby. No I'm not feeling sorry for myself, or asking you to give me a pep talk. I've just come to realize that this is not going to happen for me. It's not meant to be. We will not be having a baby. I am certain that AF is on her way. I'm not ovulating. I can't put my body through anymore. It is over.

I think I'm OK with that.

Not Pregnant

Aunt Flo showed up early this month. Actually, my cycle was only 24 days! I have no idea what is going on with my body. I think it's all the stress at work. I've been doing the job of two people, and a lot of people depend on me for their jobs (basically the whole company!). Anyway, maybe that had something to do with it. I don't know. Back to the drawing board...

OUCH

So I had some pretty sharp cramps today. I have no idea what that means.

I'm still here

Hubby and I have been humping like rabbits. No, just kidding. Tried to "get it done" every other day for the last 10 days. We went above and beyond that goal. I don't think it's for lack of sperm that we aren't getting pregnant. I think it's the lack of egg. If only I could get my ovary to co-operate with me. Life would be so good. This past weekend wasn't a week we were on vacation like I thought. That is the weekend of the 26th. I am not going to be peeing on any sticks until my period is late. It just makes me crazy. I have hope for about 0.2 seconds until that single line shows up. It just don't make any sense. Testing early isn't going to make me pregnant. That is my husband's job. :)

I'm Not Going To Be A Freak This Time Around

So last time I was a little spastic with the babymaking. I think my poor husband was dried out (if you know what I mean- ew. I know. Sorry). I'm going to take it easy from now on out. I will make a point to keep track of when I ovulate and try to do the deed around that time. Other than that I am going to have fun and whatever happens happens. I can't make myself insane trying to get pregnant. It's just not good for my mental health.

CD 1

Today is CD 1 of a 30 day cycle. That means I should ovulate around the 14th, which is a weekend we will be on vacation. Yay!